


i've a good heart, albeit insane

by horrorterroronesie



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Daedric Princes (Elder Scrolls), Gen, Identity Issues, apotheosis but unfun, the hok and nerevarine are the same person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorterroronesie/pseuds/horrorterroronesie
Summary: His hands shook as he placed the glow dust on the altar, like the small statuette of Azura was physically repelling him. He shouldn’t be doing this, screamed every bone in his body, every fragment of the burning madness making him its home.But he had to.After the events of the Shivering Isles, all that's left to do is pray.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	i've a good heart, albeit insane

Gaeldis Irano stumbled and slammed into his small house like a battering ram in the shape of a horrified ex-mortal ex-Dunmer. Though he seemed Dunmer enough, his skin still bruise-dark, he knew that if he looked in the mirror his eyes would stare back catlike and Daedric.

He needed to do something. He needed to fix this. 

  
  


His hands shook as he placed the glow dust on the altar, like the small statuette of Azura was physically repelling him. He shouldn’t be doing this, screamed every bone in his body, every fragment of the burning madness making him its home. 

But he had to.

“Lady Azura,” He began, about to launch into the retelling of what, exactly, had happened for him to end up in the dungeons of the Imperial City when he had intended to leave for Akavir. _You see, Lady Azura, the thing is, I may have had a few more drinks than necessary that last night in Seyda Neen, and they didn’t have space in their drunk tank, so somehow I ended up on a ship back to Cyrodiil…_ Nothing needed to be said, however, as the apparition of a translucent Dunmer woman took form before him with unprecedented speed.

“What the fuck,” Said the Mother of the Rose. “How does something like this even happen?” 

“Uh.” 

“I leave my champion alone for _five minutes._ Five minutes! How, pray tell, does that translate to _whatever this is?_ Madgod?”

And all of a sudden it wasn’t him praying to his patron Daedra. Her gaze seemed like it was drilling into his core, seeing him as something not wholly of his self. Something equal to her.

She was staring straight into the core of his madness, the shard of a god poisoning his very mind.

“N- no-” He gasped, standing up with a clatter. “I- That isn’t who I am. I didn’t- you made me the Nerevarine, my lady, you guided me on quest after quest, don’t act like I'm too far gone already!” 

“And yet you are. I am _very_ interested in how, exactly, you managed to pull _whatever this is_ off, but my patience may not last." 

And as if it was the first drop of a catastrophic deluge, a small chuckle escaped his throat. No, no, no, not _now,_ surely he could hold it together a few more minutes! 

He laughed again. 

It was like a rope snapping. Well, not really. The thing that it was like wouldn't be invented for a few eras yet. But all of a sudden, the world was glistening in colours that simply didn't exist. The thread of time, wound throughout every atom of the world, floated freely around him.

“What a sorry thing it is, to wait for your patience!” He laughed into her face. "Why, if I did, I'd never get anywhere! Sometimes, Azura dear, you just have to start pulling people's eyeballs out."

"Noted." Her tone was as dry as the Ashlands. "I assume I won't be getting my champion back?"

"Well, you can have him, but I'm sorry to say you'll be getting me at the same time. Two-for-one deal, if you will. And if you won't, it's more of a one-for-two deal. I'm him, he's me." He gestured grandly. Oh, 'He.' The definition of that word was so ridiculously malleable. And so was 'me'. Both meant the same thing in this case. 

"I… see. Do not let it be said that blah blah blah-" He tuned her out. "-blah blah blah blah. Believe me, I would tear your mind out of his in an instant if I could. I would kill him, too, if that would have removed you. But it seems he is too far gone for such intervention." She sighed. "Was that why he summoned me?"

"Oh, good question. Why _did_ I summon you again? It was something boring. Boring, boring, boring. Now, if I decide to be interesting at some point, feel free to stay, but I wouldn’t hold my breath! Well, I would. I am right now!" 

Azura scoffed. 

"This was as productive a conversation as ever. If you're finished…?" She disappeared.

Gaeldis came back to himself in fits and starts. 

There was the weave of the rug in front of his nose. And the acrid smell of glow dust slowly eating its way through lacquered floorboard.

Meaning bled back into those facts drop by drop. He existed in space and time. He was _affected_ by space and time. 

Oh, _Azurah'm gah-gsaras,_ what had he become?

Past his reincarnation, past his own identity, what was he becoming?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! technically, i wrote this almost an entire year ago, but i just thought to finish it now :3  
> the title is from the mind electric by miracle musical  
> you can find me on tumblr at @cyberiandemons!


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